Alone....

I have to get up an hour earlier in the morning and I can't sleep... My heart hurts right now....

Have you ever been in a room FULL of people and you feel like you are the only one there??? I don't like this feeling so much.. but it seems that lately I feel so alone.. so lost in this world! I don't know where to go, who to turn to or what I should be doing sometimes! Some days I feel like I am in the place where I am supposed to be... But other days I feel completely opposite! I miss my Shi Shi and My Micah Mattie..

I can't get them outta my head.

I think about them everyday..

I miss everything about them...

I miss Micah coming into my room at night and cuddling with me till we both fell asleep.. I miss her hugs and her taking care of me.. I miss our long talks and I have yet to like a cowboy again.. I miss her random songs she made up as she sang them... I miss listening to music.. I miss our drives up the canyon and our camping trips.. I miss how crazy she was all the time.. I miss all the names she use to call me... "Skyler Suzanna Smith Johansen!!!"

I miss Shilo always making up crazy dance moves and practicing them in the mirror thinking no one was watcher her.. I miss her yelling at me cause I cooked Baccon.. I miss watching grey's anatomy with her.. I miss her scotcheroos.. I miss our long talks for all hours of the night.. I miss her listening to the veronicas all the time.. I miss her plastic surgery nose.. I miss her little first aid kit that she used like every day.. I miss her little diet pepsi bottles not laying everywhere...

There is sooo much more I could go on about.. I feel like I'm so alone in this world without these two right now... Yeah I have my best friends here and don't get me wrong I love them all just as much.... But I just feel so alone without them... I just wish that I could talk to them, hug them and tell them everything that is going on in my life.. I would have a million stories to tell....

Will the tears and the pain ever stop..??

:(. . .